And Wendy Makes Five
by phantomzombie
Summary: Bored of each other, the boys get Wendy to join them for a week.
1. Chapter 1

**Bus Stop- Day. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are standing there, waiting for the bus. (Scene is a parody of 'King of the Hill')**

**Stan:** Yep.

**Kyle:** Yep.

**Cartman:** Yep.

**Kenny:** Mmmmmmm-Hmmmm.

**They continue standing in silence for a few moments. Cartman looks at the other three and speaks.**

**Cartman:** So, what did you all do last night?

**Kyle:** Homework.

**Kenny:** (Read Playboys).

**Stan:** Watch TV. What about you?

**Cartman:** Watch TV.

**Stan:** Geez, when have we become so boring?

**Kyle:** Maybe we're bored of each other.

**Stan:** Perhaps, but I feel that something is… y'know, **(Takes a deep breath)** missing.

**Kyle:** What do you mean Stan? **(Adjusts his hat)**

**Stan:** I mean we're just four guys here. I'm thinking of adding a fifth friend.

**Cartman:** That's easy. We can ask Butters.

**Stan:** **(Rubs his eyes)** No Cartman, it's not going to be Butters. Remember, we fired him?

**Cartman:** Oh yeah.

**Stan:** Also, for the fifth friend, I don't want it to be another guy. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a girl in the gang? It would make things less monotonous.

**Cartman:** No, no, no! We are NOT gonna have any hoes in our gang!

**Kyle** **(Glares at Cartman)**: Shut up Cartman!** (Looks at Stan)** You have a good point Stan. Look at us; it's no fun with just guys. So having a girl in our group, doesn't sound like a bad idea, the question is, who?

**The boys ponder for a moment. An eagle flies overhead; Cartman scratches his nose, Kenny brushes the snow with his foot three times.**

**Stan:** Wendy.

**Kenny:** (Why Wendy?)

**Stan:** She's my girlfriend, and she hasn't had much prominence recently.

**Cartman opens his mouth to protest against the idea, but loses his train of thought.**

**Cartman:** Okay Stan, your bitch with the huge frickin' hooters gets to join our gang.

**Stan:** Says the guy who made fun of her with breast cancer.

**Cartman's eyes widen in fear and he freezes: the other boys watch him.**

**Kyle:** What's he doing?

**Kenny:** (Maybe he's having a stroke. You really should hit the gym, Cartman)

**Cartman stops a moment later, and glares at Stan.**

**Cartman:** Don't say that! I have traumatic memories.

**Stan:** You better watch your back. Wendy can take you on with one hand tied behind her back.

**Cartman:** Alright, alright. I won't try or say anything stupid.

**Just as he finishes his line, the bus pulls up. Mr. Venezuela opens the door. Stan gets in first, followed by Kyle, Kenny and Cartman.**

**Bus, on the way to school, Day- Cartman sits at the back, Kyle and Kenny go to sit together, and Stan grabs the empty seat next to Wendy.**

**Wendy:** Hi Stan.

**Stan:** Hey Wendy. Uh, I want to ask you something.

**Wendy:** Sure, what is it? I'm all ears. **(The bus starts to drive off)**

**Stan:** How would you like to join our gang? Things are kinda slow with me and the guys, so if you joined, things would be much more exciting and not as boring.

**Wendy:** Stan, I'm already in a group. I'm with the girls; I'm their leader.

**Stan:** That wasn't the case during the Gender Civil War, and Nelly was in charge of the girls.

**Wendy:** But since it was discovered that she was hungry for power, she was kicked out of the girls' group and I was reinstated as leader.

**Stan:** And I'm the leader of the boys. Tell you what, how about just for a week, you hang out with us? Cartman is scared of you, you and Kenny barely interact at all, and we wanna see what it'll be like to have you as one of us?

**Wendy:** Okay Stan.

**She kisses his cheek. Stan gets out his phone and earplugs.**

**Int. South Park Elementary, Fourth Grade Classroom, Day. The whole class is seated, whilst Mr. Garrison writes something on the board. She pauses to look at the class.**

**Mr. Garrison:** Alright class, now who can tell me something about the Great Depression? Let's see, uh, Lola.

**Lola had been gazing at her phone, so wasn't really paying attention.**

**Lola: (Looks up)** What?

**Mr. Garrison:** Please tell me something about the Great Depression.

**Lola:** Uh, everyone was crying and there was a flood of tears?

**Mr. Garrison face palms.**

**Mr. Garrison:** No you dumb bitch! You weren't even paying attention. Okay, uh, Wendy, how about you?

**Wendy:** Of course Mr. Garrison. The Great Depression was a great economic crisis during the 1930s which saw many businesses go bankrupt.

**Mr. Garrison:** Good job Wendy **(Glares at Lola, who shrinks back into her seat)**.

**Kenny:** (Mr. Garrison, did you call my girlfriend a dumb bitch?)

**Mr. Garrison:** Uh, no, I said Numb Itch as in, I have a numb itch.

**Kenny:** (I doubt that).

**Mr. Garrison:** For your homework, you're to get into groups of five and do a presentation on the Great Depression; you have one week to do this. The group with the best presentation gets a free day off.

**The bell rings, and everyone leaves.**

**Hallway- The boys and Wendy are walking out the door with their bags, going over the ground rules with Wendy.**

**Kyle:** Alright Wendy, to be with us, first you'll need to know the ground rules:  
Rule 1: Stan's in charge, he's the glue that holds us together.  
Rule 2: Whenever Kenny dies, Stan says "Oh My God! They Killed Kenny" and then I say "You Bastards!"  
Rule 3: Cartman usually gets us into crazy situations, and he usually ends up as the one who gets us out of them.

**Wendy:** Alright, I think I got it. Now, about the Great Depression?

**Stan:** We can study at my house.

**Kenny:** (Why?)

**Stan:** Kenny, don't ask. Let's just study at my house.

**Pleases and Sparkles Club- Evening. The girls are holding an election for a new leader.**

**Bebe:** Alright girls, listen up. Wendy is no longer with us. So, we are going to have a new leader to take her place.

**Nelly:** I should be in charge.

**Heidi:** No Nelly, we banned you from ever being our leader, remember? And besides, Bebe was second-in-command to Wendy.

**Nelly nods and sits back down.**

Nelly **(Under her breath)**: Fuck these skanks.

**Red:** What did you say?

**Nelly:** Something that isn't any of your fucking business.

**Red:** Alright, you asked for it!

**Red and Nelly charge at each other. Bebe slams the table five times. The fifth time is louder, so the table shakes. They stop and sit back down.**

**Bebe:** Girls, calm the fuck down! We've gotta focus. Now, since none of you are keen on cooperating, I'll be your leader.

**Isla:** You? But your infamous reputation of being a-

**Bebe:** **(Cutting her off) **That doesn't matter. I'm now in charge and we're not gonna argue. And Nelly? **(Nelly looks at her. Bebe points at the door)** Get the fuck out! **(Nelly marches towards the door, opens it, and leaves. The door closes)**

**End of Act 1**


	2. Chapter 2

**Marsh Residence, Stan's Room- Night. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Wendy are on his computer, looking for sites that details the Great Depression.**

**Wendy:** Okay, we can't use Wikipedia, or we'll get an F.

**Cartman:** Uh, when are we gonna be done? I'd rather be at home, playing 'Fortnight'! **(He feels his stomach; it rumbles**) And I want KFC!

**Kyle:** Keep your fats together Cartman! We'll soon find a page.

**Sharon opens the door; she's carrying a basket of folded laundry. She enters and starts putting away Stan's laundry.**

**Sharon:** Kids, you'd better get home. It's late. **(Puts three pair of underwear in his drawer)**

**Wendy:** Actually Mrs. Marsh. The four of us are planning on spending the night here. **(She points to their sleeping bags and backpacks propped up against the wall)**

**Kenny:** (Yeah, though my parents don't care.)

**Cartman:** Also Mrs. Marsh, can I have some FUCKING KFC?!

**Sharon slaps him in the face, lightly. Cartman starts bawling like a baby. Kyle rolls his eyes.**

**Kyle:** Oh grow up Cartman.

**Sharon:** Now Eric. You ask again nicely, or I'll call your mother!

**Cartman's POV- Sharon is looking at him with a fiery glare. Cartman gulps.**

**Cartman: **Can I please have a bucket of KFC chicken?

**Stan:** Make that two!

**Wendy:** And can we have frappes?

**Kenny:** (I never have KFC!)

**Kyle:** And some cookies as well please?

**Sharon finishes doing Stan's laundry. She closes the door.**

**5 Minutes Later- Sharon comes in with two buckets of chicken, five chocolate and caramel frappes and a box of cookies.**

**Kyle:** Thanks, Mrs. Marsh. **(He opens the box of cookies; everyone grabs one each. Everyone grabs a Chocolate and Caramel frappe each and Cartman has a bucket of chicken all to himself; Stan, Kyle, Wendy and Kenny have the other bucket)**

**Cartman** **(Biting into a chicken drumstick)**: Oh, this is so fucking good!

**Sharon:** Watch your language young man! **(She closes the door)**

**Wendy (Sipping her frappe):** Okay, back to business; tasty. So, the Great Depression was a collapse in the global market; people were homeless, businesses were closing down, and the economy was in tatters. That's it; I believe we got the basic idea down.

Stan: Remember, we have a week to do this. So let's have a break.

**Cartman (Sighs in relief):** Finally!

**Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Wendy collect their sleeping bags, they them on the ground and hunker down. Stan turns off the light, gets into bed, and they go to sleep.**

**Ext. Marsh Residence, Morning- The sun rises, and a rooster's crowing is heard.**

**Int. Stan's Bedroom- Stan wakes up to see Wendy on top of him.**

**Stan: **Ah!

**Wendy: **Morning cutie. How'd you sleep?

**Stan: **Well.

**Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wake up.**

**Kenny: **(Was Wendy giving you an early morning blowjob Stan?)

**Cartman snickers.**

**Stan:** Shut up Kenny! So, shall we continue with our assignment?

**Wendy:** Yes, but not now. I was suggesting we go to the Funland for the day. We don't have to work every day.

**Kyle:** Quite right.

**Sharon's voice is heard from downstairs.**

**Sharon:** Pancakes!

**Stan:** Okay!

**They walk out of Stan's room.**

**South Park Funland- Later in the day. A montage shows the five going on various rides. Stan and Wendy are seen on the Tunnel of Love, embracing each other. Kyle is trying his hand at knocking down tins; Cartman and Kenny are getting their faces stuffed with onion rings and nachos. Cartman burps.**

**Pleases and Sparkles Club- Evening. The girls, minus Nelly, are discussing a topic for a list.**

**Bebe:** Okay, does anyone vote yes for ranking the boys' asses? Anyone?

**Red, Millie, Esther, Theresa, Jenny, Lola and Annie raise their hands. Heidi, Sally, Isla and Allie don't raise their hands.**

**Bebe:** Okay, Kyle at number 1? Sparkle?

**Girls:** Sunshine!

**Bebe:** I must say, I think I've made out to be a competent leader in Wendy's absence.

**Theresa:** You've exceeded our expectations, Bebe.

**Marsh Residence, later that night- Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Wendy are playing Trivia.**

**Kyle:** Okay Wendy. Which category?

**Wendy:** History.

**Kyle draws a card from the History pile.**

**Kyle:** Okay Wendy, ready? **(Reads the card)** Who was the last queen of France before the French Revolution?

**Wendy:** Marie Antoinette.

**Kyle:** Correct. Your turn.

**Wendy:** Okay, uh, Cartman. Which category?

**Cartman: **Music.

**Wendy draws a card from the music pile and reads it.**

**Wendy:** What is Childish Gambino's real name?

**Cartman: (Exhales)** Okay, this is a doozy. Um, well, I've seen him before, but I can't remember his real name. I believe he was in Solo, and probably 'The Lion King'.

**Stan:** 10 seconds.

**Cartman:** Can I get a hint?

**Wendy:** Initials are DG.

**Cartman:** Oh! Donald Glover!

**Wendy:** Correct.

**Sharon comes in, wearing her pyjamas.**

**Sharon:** Kids, go to bed now.

**Stan:** Okay mom. **(She leaves)** C'mon. Tomorrow we finish our assignment; we really want that day off, don't we?

**Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, Wendy:** Yeah!

**Randy comes downstairs.**

**Randy:** Sharon, can we have sex on the couch now?

**He turns out the light.**

**End of Act 2**


	3. Chapter 3

**Marsh Residence, morning. The five characters are up bright and early, working on the assignment.**

**Wendy:** And… done!

**She connects the computer to the printer, and they staple it all together.**

**Stan:** Wow! We have the rest of the week off! Now, what shall we do? Shall we see a movie?

**Kyle:** Yeah, I've always wanted to see 'Fast and Furious: Hobbs and Shaw'.

**Stan:** Yeah, alright. Mum, can you give us a lift to the cinema?

**Sharon (From Downstairs)**: Sure son!

**Bijou Theatre. The five main characters are waiting in line for their tickets.**

**Ticket-Taker Guy:** Alright, next!

**Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny and Wendy walk up to get their tickets.**

**Ticket-Taker Guy:** Alright, how many for Hobbs and Shaw?

**Stan:** Five sir.

**While the ticket-taker guy prints off their tickets, a paper jam occurs and the guy bangs the machine to get it to work. **

**Ticket-Taker Guy:** Piece of Shit!

**Wendy hears voices from somewhere at the back of the line.**

**Bebe:** I'm so excited for Hobbs and Shaw!

**Jenny:** Yeah, it's gonna Rock.

**Millie:** Oh yeah, Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson. Good one Jenny.

**Wendy:** Excuse me, I need to go to the restroom.

**Stan:** Alright, just go.

**Wendy runs off to the bathroom. Cartman starts to leave the line.**

**Stan:** And just where are you going?

**Cartman:** Just getting snacks. What? You think I'd follow Wendy to the bathroom? I'm not Quagmire!

**Kenny starts walking off.**

**Stan:** Kenny, where are you going?

**Kenny:** (Uh, giggity, giggity, go!)

**Stan:** Stay here.

**Theatre Girls' Bathroom- Wendy is washing her hands when Bebe enters. She and her stare at each other.**

**Bebe:** Hello, Wendy.

**Wendy:** Bebe! I wasn't expecting to see you here. Why?

**Bebe:** I and the girls are seeing Hobbs and Shaw, same as you. Also, I've now replaced you as their leader, but we really want you back.

**Wendy:** Bebe, it hasn't been a week, and besides, I and the boys have finished our assignment already.

**Bebe:** That's not fair! We've just started!

**Wendy:** Well, you're fucked.

**Bebe:** Unless you give me yours.

**Wendy:** That's cheating.

**Bebe:** Cheating is a legitimate strategy Wendy. Also, we miss you.

**Wendy:** I know, Bebe. The movie's about to start.

**They exit the bathroom.**

**Theatre- Wendy and Bebe push past people to get to their seats.**

**Wendy:** Excuse me, sorry, pardon me, coming through.

**Bebe:** Excuse me, sorry, pardon me, coming through.

**Stan:** Wendy, how long did you take? You nearly missed the start!

**Wendy:** Sorry. I was catching up with Bebe.

**Kyle:** Shhhh, the movie's starting.

**2 hours later, the boys and Wendy are at the Bookstore. Wendy is flipping through a copy of 'Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows'.**

**Wendy:** Stan, do you remember us meeting JK Rowling?

**Stan:** How could I ever? That was pure magic. When I read the seventh book, I cried.

**Wendy: **So did I.

**The owner of the store glares at them from over his glasses as he's reading 'Fall of Giants' by Ken Follett. He bears an appearance similar to Dylan Moran. (Reference to 'Black Books')**

**Bookstore Owner:** Kids, if you're not getting anything, get out! This is not a lending library! Thank you, bye bye.

**He ushers Stan and Wendy out of the shop. Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are sitting by the curb, licking ice-creams.**

**Cartman:** Took you long enough. **(He takes another lick of his ice-cream)** Let's go.

**The five go to their respective homes.**

**Testaburger Residence, Evening- Stan is walking Wendy up to the front door.**

**Wendy:** Thanks for walking me home Stan.

**Stan:** No worries Wendy. Well, see ya.

**They kiss: Stan leaves and Wendy walks through the door. She is greeted by a disapproving look from her father.**

**Mark:** Wendy, we need to talk.

**Wendy:** Is something wrong, Dad? If it's about Stan, let me assure you, there's nothing to worry about.

**Mark:** Not necessarily Stan; he's a great boyfriend, don't get me wrong. It's just you're hanging out with his friends an awful lot of the time.

**Wendy:** Yeah, so what?

**Mark (Sighs and slouches forward)**: I just think you should hang out with the girls again. They miss you, Bebe in particular. From what I heard about Stan's friends, is that, they go on these crazy adventures, and I don't want you to do the same thing.

**Wendy:** That's what makes them popular; they get into a crazy shenanigan and they find a way to get out of it.

**Mark:** Wendy, please promise me that you'll hang out with your girlfriends after tomorrow.

**Wendy:** Alright Dad. I promise.

**She turns and goes upstairs.**

**South Park Elementary, Fourth Grade Classroom, Day- The class is seated as the boys and Wendy deliver their presentation on the Great Depression.**

**Wendy:** …. And so, in conclusion, the Great Depression affected the economies of the world, and thus lay the groundwork for Hitler and the Nazis to ascend to power.

**She finishes. Mr. Garrison ponders for a moment.**

**Mr. Garrison:** Well, I think you five delivered the best presentation of the Great Depression I've ever seen. So you get a free day off.

**Stan:** Yes!  
**Kyle:** Yes!  
**Cartman:** Fuck Yeah!  
**Kenny:** (Woo-Hoo!)  
**Wendy:** Alright!

**The class groans in disappointment, because they didn't get rewarded.**

**Mr. Garrison:** Okay, uh, Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, Token and Clyde. Yours sucked dick and was appalling. You get detention for the next 2 weeks.

**Craig:** Fuck you Garrison. **(He sticks up the finger)** I wish we had Mrs. Nelson back.

**Mr. Garrison:** Well, Mrs. Nelson is teaching the other fourth grade class now. So bad luck. Also, you get 4 weeks detention for flipping me the bird.

**After class, they walk together in the hallways.**

**Kyle:** Wendy, on behalf of us, it's been fun hanging out with you, studying with you.

**Wendy:** Thanks Kyle. And you Stan. Well, it's been a week. I'm so gonna miss hanging out with you all.

**The girls approach her.**

**Bebe:** Wendy, we're welcoming you back to our group. We miss you hanging out with us, and it's about time you become our leader again. What do you say?

**The girls look at her hopefully; Wendy looks at them, then at Stan and his friends, then back at the girls.**

**Esther:** Well?

**Wendy walks back to Stan and his friends.**

**Wendy:** You know what girls? I think I'll stick with my boyfriend and his friends for a while longer. You make a pretty good leader Bebe. Keep it up.

**Bebe:** Okay Wendy. C'mon girls; let's make a new list.

**Girls:** Yeah!

**The girls walk off, as Wendy walks off with Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny.**

**Starks Pond, Day- The boys and Wendy, since they got the day off, are spending it at Starks Pond. Stan had even brought Sparky along.**

**Wendy:** I think your dog likes me, Stan. No, you can't have my beret. It's a family heirloom.

**It pans over to some bushes, where a familiar face is hiding and watching them.**

**Butters/Professor Chaos:** You thought you could replace me with a girl, could you? Well, you've made a big mistake boys. Soon, you'll feel the wrath from me; Professor Chaos! **(Maniacal Laugh)**

**Cartman:** We can hear you, and see you, Butters!

**Butters:** Oh darn.

**The End**


End file.
